First of all, thanks for citing your source. This enabled me to find a number of excerpts from the novel online, including the chapter containing the passage you've quoted here.
I like the first "rains" (“It hardly ever rains in L.A. ..."), but not so much the second (" ... and it rains right now."). I would have written it more like:
1: ... but it would have to rain now!
To me this expresses the character's frustration and her futile rage against the universe and God (or the gods) more vehemently than her choice of words, or your suggestion, which I prefer over hers.
Based on the few brief passages I've read, my initial impression is that Miss Krys is a young and unpolished author targeting a young and unsophisticated audience. She violates several commonly accepted conventions, and I find her style very amateurish. But this is based on having read an extremely small sampling of her writing, and, seeing that several websites rate her book very highly, I hope that you and anyone else who reads this will form your own opinions of her work and advise me accordingly. Sometimes, I find it a good thing to be proven wrong.
PS: I made a slight edit to your post to make it clear that the initial paragraph was a quote. I hope you don't mind.
When I first moved to California from Ohio, there were storm clouds following me in the distance all across the country. They finally caught up to me in Las Vegas. It never rains in Las Vegas. But it did while I was there.
So, I have been living in Santa Cruz, which is several hundred miles north of LA. Santa Cruz actually does have a rainy season. During the winter, it will sometimes rain every day for weeks. But most of the year, it stays pretty dry.
LA and the rest of southern California has a different weather system altogether.
It Never Rains in Southern California