Hi Guys,

The following are two snippets which I have written for a treatise. When I ask a person which they prefer, I get a clear 50-50 response rate. Some like option 1 and others seem to prefer option 2.

Feedback from an editor suggests option one is accusatory and should be avoided, however, individuals who preferred option 1 inform after they have read it, view it as 'helpful advice' rather than instructional or didactic.  

The second professional feedback was in relation to point of view and to mainly use option 2's style (I/We).  But if 50 percent of the people prefer option one, what does that mean..... they prefer to be told what to do?

Does this also mean, even if one gets our grammar and syntax correct, it may still be interpreted differently by many people. 

Option 1:

"Death is the final destination. Make sure you don’t have a lot of baggage when you arrive. Unlike a regular holiday, where you take lots of suitcases, in this journey, the goal is to have no luggage when you reach your destination."

Option 2:

"Death is our final destination on Earth. Unlike a regular holiday where we tend to overpack, in life’s journey, the goal is to have little or no baggage when we die."

Any thoughts appreciated.

Note: another professional editor preferred option one as well.

Kind Regards,

Philip

 

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